What’s Wrong With Complaining?
Pastor Jacky Duncan
May 10, 2010

In Ephesians 4:29 we are told, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

But what is “unwholesome talk”?

Unwholesome means: 1. Detrimental to physical, mental, or moral well-being. 2. Offensive to the senses.

Wholesome means: Morally beneficial; adding to or promoting improved moral well-being.

Wholesome talk, as the Scripture says, “is helpful for building others up according to their needs.”

A very large portion of our conversation is unwholesome. It consists of such things as lying, boasting, coarse joking, cursing, gossip, slander, criticizing, and complaining.

Have you ever really listened to what comes out of your mouth? Try this experiment. After each conversation this week quietly think about what you said and how you said it. Consider your tones and body language as well. Also think about what was going on in your mind as you conversed.

If you really want to see how bad it is, take notes. Write down what you say and review it at the end of the week. Better yet, record it. You may decide you don’t want to talk anymore at all.

Each form of unwholesome talk listed above needs to be addressed individually. But let’s focus on complaining.

Complaining is one of the great American pastimes, along with boasting, gossip and slander. These are so common that most people hardly recognize them anymore. Many attempt to justify complaining with statements like, “Well its true!” or “It’s not hurting anyone.”

But just because something is true doesn’t mean it should be voiced. God says, “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.” (James 1:26)

And complaining does hurt. Complaining is hurtful to ourselves and to others. It can produce anger, bitterness, resentment and quarrels. It robs us of joy and can contribute to depression. It leads to bad decisions and actions. It can cost a job or promotion. It can destroy relationships or lead others into the harm it causes us.

But even worse is the fact that complaining is an affront to God. Complaining is a serious sin. For some examples, read the history of Israel’s journey to The Promised Land.

Referring to Israel’s complaining, 1 Corinthians 10:10 warns Christians, “And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel.”

How does complaining offend God? Here are just a few examples:
• Complaining questions God's sovereignty. It says “I don’t think God has the right to do things the way He does. I want it my way.”
• Complaining questions God’s ability. It says “I don’t believe He can handle the situation I am dealing with.”
• Complaining questions God’s goodness. It says “God is against me to do me harm, rather than for me to do me good.”
• Complaining questions God’s justice. It says “God is unfair in causing or allowing me to go through this.”
• Complaining questions God’s faithfulness. It says “I don’t believe God will help me. He will not see me through this trial.”
• Complaining questions God’s wisdom. It says “I don’t think God knows what He’s doing. My way would be better.”
• Complaining basically says “I was better off without God.”

Meditate on these things the next time you find yourself complaining. You’ll probably have the opportunity before today is spent.

Simply restraining the tongue is not the real issue, but rather it is a pure heart that we must have. If we only restrain our words, but do not have a pure heart, we are merely hypocrites.

The only sure way of ridding yourself of complaining is to develop an attitude of humility and gratitude. Genuine, humble, thanksgiving is the only cure for complaining.

Jesus says, “Listen and understand. What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean,’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean.’ ” (Matthew 15:10-11)

“What comes out of a man is what makes him ‘unclean.’ For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man ‘unclean.’ ” (Mark 7:20-23)

Since complaining comes from an impure heart, we must pray, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (Psalm 51:10)

This promise is indeed good news: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”  (1 John 1:9)